Why doesn't she just leave? Is that your question? Why doesn't "she" leave the abuse? Why would someone stay to only be abused?
By: Anonymous, USA
I often ask myself the same thing. How is it I can be so dumb? Do I really think I am dumb? Yes and No.
Yes, because I know I am an educated smart individual, however how is it I've had such a lapse in judgment?
Were the signs not there? Did I not see the things he's done? Was I ignoring them all along because I wanted to?
Hmmm, it's a very difficult question for sure. I ask myself that constantly. I MUST have an answer, it is an absolute necessity.
I cannot go on NOT knowing why I stayed. Here I am trying to leave, it's not easy. It's a constant struggle uphill, wind and sleet in my face, debris hitting me causing me to fall down... then having to find the strength to get back up, even though I have no strength in my legs to do so.
I muster up the courage to take one more step up the rough and rugged terrain I say "I'm leaving" and I take one more step. One foot in front of the other. That's all I can take, only one!
I can't walk a mile in these shoes called freedom, or so they say. Is leaving an abusive situation Freedom?
I am here, writing this blog, desperately trying myself to find the answers you are obviously seeking as well.
Staying in an abusive situation, can mean so many things, yet on the other hand the abuser isn't always abusive. Ever heard the expression you can't boil a frog by throwing them in a pot of boiling water? You have to heat the water up very slowly then the frog will stay in there and die, and won't jump out when the water has reached boiling. How could that be? It's easy.
It all starts with a little justification over something simple, maybe it's even something you never would have imagined doubting yourself over, but alas you do. He tells you the reasons why he shouldn't have to repeat himself and you think maybe it's your hearing or you weren't paying good enough attention.
It's the weekend and it's time to mow the lawn, you had it on your list with all the other thousand things roaming around in your head telling you to do them... you really WERE going to mow the lawn, how can he not see that? He says "oh, yeah, right, sure you were... you ALWAYS say you WERE going to do something that I am doing". Sigh. How can this be... I REALLY WAS going to do it, just because he got to it first, doesn't mean I wasn't going to do it. He leaves out the back door with a sigh, a head shake, eye roll and a sarcastic, "Uh, huh." Slam, goes the door.
Again, maybe it's just me, I should have gotten to that chore faster, quicker. If I was a harder worker, maybe I would have. Maybe next time. I will be sure to be a better person, I should have foreseen that he would get angry that I hadn't mowed the lawn, Why didn't I see that coming?
Does this sound familiar? It all starts with the small things and before you know it, it's about everything: Is the house clean enough? Are you a good enough mother? Did you "touch" something of his you shouldn't have?
Life doesn't have to be like this, there is hope for you to find a new path. Don't give up, don't give in, no matter how it is or it gets there is ALWAYS hope for you.
http://www.ncadv.org/
http://www.thehotline.org/
